Chapter 1: Why Breakups Feel Like Withdrawal
When you feel the urge to reach out, check their social media, or make contact, pause and name it out loud or write it down:
Naming the urge creates space between the feeling and the action. It doesn't eliminate the urge, but it gives you a moment to choose your response instead of reacting automatically.
Example: "I'm feeling the urge to text them because I'm lonely and I want to feel connected. This is withdrawal, not a need to solve something."
Create two columns. In the left column, write the relief action you want to take. In the right column, write the growth action you can tolerate instead.
| Relief action I want to take | Growth action I can tolerate |
|---|---|
| Text them to explain my feelings | Write it in a journal instead |
| Check their social media | Call a friend or go for a walk |
| Re-read old messages | Write down what I'm actually seeking |
| Drive by their place | Practice grounding techniques |
| Send a long email explaining | Wait 24 hours, then reassess |
The goal isn't to eliminate the urge—it's to choose growth over relief when you can. Some days you'll choose relief, and that's okay. The practice is noticing the difference and choosing growth more often over time.
When the urge to text feels urgent and necessary, use this internal script:
The 24-hour rule: Most things that feel urgent during withdrawal feel less urgent after 24 hours. If you still want to reach out after a day, you can reassess with more clarity. But most of the time, the urge passes.
When withdrawal feels overwhelming, use one of these techniques to reset your nervous system:
These aren't solutions—they're resets. They help your nervous system regulate so you can think more clearly and make better decisions.
Use these prompts to separate longing from compatibility:
The truth check helps you see the difference between what withdrawal makes you feel and what you actually know to be true. Withdrawal creates longing; it doesn't create compatibility.
If they contact you during withdrawal, have these scripts ready. Use them to protect your healing without being manipulative:
Practice saying these out loud. Have them saved in your phone. Use them even when it's hard. Boundaries aren't punishment—they're protection for your healing process.