One-Page Summary

What's true

• Breakups feel like withdrawal because they are—romantic love activates the same brain regions as addiction
• The physical symptoms (insomnia, loss of appetite, anxiety) are real, not "all in your head"
• Obsessive thoughts and cravings are withdrawal symptoms, not proof of love or compatibility
• The intensity isn't about how much you loved them—it's about how much your nervous system learned to depend on them for regulation
• Withdrawal is temporary, but it requires you to go through it, not around it

Signals

• Urge to reach out—Intense, almost physical need to contact them, even when you know it won't help
• Physical tightness—Chest constriction, stomach knots, tension in shoulders or jaw
• Checking behaviors—Compulsively checking their social media, driving by places you went together, re-reading old messages
• Intrusive memories—Thoughts about them popping into your mind unbidden, especially during quiet moments
• Sleep disruption—Trouble falling asleep, waking up thinking about them, dreams about the relationship
• Loss of appetite—Food doesn't appeal, or emotional eating to numb feelings
• Inability to focus—Mind keeps returning to them, difficulty concentrating on work or other tasks
• Mood swings—Rapid shifts from hope to despair, from anger to sadness to longing

Common traps (relief avenues)

• Constant contact or checking—Each check provides a tiny dopamine hit, which temporarily relieves the craving but resets the withdrawal clock
• Rebound relationships—Finding someone new quickly provides distraction but doesn't address the underlying withdrawal process
• Trying to "win them back" during withdrawal—You're not thinking clearly, and decisions made during withdrawal often create more problems
• Seeking reassurance instead of processing—Reassurance feels good but doesn't help you process the loss
• Stalking or excessive checking—Maintaining proximity through social media or other means keeps the attachment bond active
• Using substances or other numbing—Avoiding feelings prolongs the process. Withdrawal requires feeling to complete
• Making major decisions—During withdrawal, your judgment is compromised. Wait until you're more regulated
• Believing the intensity means you're meant to be together—Intensity is a withdrawal symptom, not proof of compatibility

What helps (growth avenues)

• Normalize your experience—You're not broken; you're human. What you're experiencing is biological, not a character flaw
• Set boundaries—No contact isn't punishment; it's necessary for healing. Your brain needs space to recalibrate
• Practice regulation techniques—Breathing exercises, grounding, movement can help regulate your nervous system during withdrawal's physical symptoms
• Avoid false solutions—Rebound relationships, excessive contact, or trying to "win them back" during withdrawal only prolongs the process
• Practice patience—Your brain needs time to recalibrate, and that's not something you can rush. Withdrawal follows a timeline
• Use the 24-hour rule—Before any contact attempt, wait 24 hours. Most things feel less urgent after a day
• Track your progress—Withdrawal decreases over time. Tracking helps you see progress when it feels like nothing is changing
• Seek support—Therapy, support groups, or trusted friends can help you navigate withdrawal while maintaining your life

One sentence to remember

The intensity of withdrawal isn't about how much you loved them—it's about how much your nervous system learned to depend on them for regulation, and understanding this helps you see that what you're experiencing is biological, not a sign of weakness.

Where to go next

• Relief vs Growth
• Choosing Forward