One-Page Summary

The Definition

Relationship Literacy is the understanding that love provides the energy, but skills provide the structure. Without structure, the energy dissipates (or explodes).

The 4 Pillars

1. Self-Regulation: Managing your own nervous system. You are responsible for your own calm.
2. Communication: Speaking your needs without attacking their character. (Soft Startup).
3. Repair: Fixing the tear immediately. (Sorry).
4. Play: Keeping the friendship alive. (Fun).

Finding vs. Building

Stop looking for the "perfect" person. Look for a "capable" person (someone who wants to learn these skills) and then build the relationship together. A relationship is a construction site, not a move-in ready home.

The Anti-Fragile Heart

When you have skills, you stop fearing relationships. You know that whatever comes up—conflict, boredom, stress—you have a tool in your belt to handle it. This confidence is the most attractive thing in the world.

The Final Lesson

You have been through hell (the breakup). You have survived the withdrawal. You have learned the lessons. Now, you have the skills.

Go build something beautiful.

Practice Plan (This Week)

• Complete a bid audit for one day.
• Practice one repair script.
• Schedule one play ritual.

: Research TODO: Add citations on relationship skills training and outcomes.

Clinical & Research Foundations

This chapter integrates findings from peer-reviewed psychiatry, psychology, and relationship science, including attachment theory, trauma research, sexual health medicine, and evidence-based couples therapy.