TruAlign

Exercises

Chapter 4: Why Closure Rarely Comes From the Other Person

Reflection & Exercises

Exercise 1 — Name what you think you need (2 minutes)

When you notice yourself seeking closure from them, pause and name what you think you need:

  1. What do I think I need from them? (e.g., explanation, apology, answers, validation)
  2. What would that look like? (Be specific about what you imagine)
  3. What would I do with that? (How would it help you move forward?)
  4. Can I create that for myself? (What would it look like to create it yourself?)

Naming what you think you need helps you see it clearly and recognize when you're waiting for something you can create yourself.

Simple rule: If you can name it, you can often create it yourself.

Exercise 2 — Write the letter you don't send (5 minutes)

Instead of reaching out to them, write everything you want to say:

  1. Write the whole letter—Everything you want to say, ask, explain, or express
  2. Don't edit or filter—Just get it all out
  3. When you're done, set it aside—Don't send it. You don't need to send it to process it
  4. Revisit it later—After time has passed, read it again. Notice what's changed

Writing the letter helps you express yourself and process what happened without needing their participation. You don't need to send it to get value from it.

Exercise 3 — Create your own meaning (10 minutes)

Instead of waiting for their explanation, create your own meaning:

  1. Write what happened—Your version of events, your experience, your understanding
  2. Write what you learned—What insights have you gained? What patterns do you see?
  3. Write how you're growing—What are you learning about yourself? How are you changing?
  4. Write what closure looks like for you—What would it mean to have closure? How can you create that?

Creating your own meaning helps you make sense of what happened in a way that helps you move forward, without needing their explanation.

Exercise 4 — The closure ritual

Create a ritual that helps you mark the end and move forward:

  1. Write a letter—Express everything you want to say, then set it aside or burn it
  2. Have a ceremony—Create a ritual that feels meaningful to you (light a candle, write and release, etc.)
  3. Mark the end—Acknowledge that this chapter is ending, even without their participation
  4. Choose to move forward—Make a conscious choice to move forward, even without their closure

The closure ritual helps you create closure on your own terms, without waiting for them to give it to you.

Exercise 5 — The self-validation practice

Instead of seeking their validation, practice validating yourself:

  1. Write your experience—What happened from your perspective? What did you feel? What did you need?
  2. Validate your feelings—Your feelings are valid, even if they don't make sense to others
  3. Validate your needs—Your needs are valid, even if they weren't met
  4. Validate your experience—Your experience is real, even if they see it differently

Self-validation helps you recognize that you don't need their validation to know what happened or how you felt.

Optional: communication boundary scripts

If they contact you while you're creating closure, have these scripts ready:

  • "I'm working through this on my own right now. I'll reach out if I need to."
  • "I appreciate you reaching out, but I'm creating closure on my own terms. I'll let you know if I need anything."
  • "I'm not ready to have this conversation yet. I'll reach out when I am."

Practice saying these out loud. Have them saved in your phone. Use them even when it's hard. Boundaries aren't punishment—they're protection for your process.

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