TruAlign

Examples

Chapter 26: Choosing Forward

Scenarios & Examples

Scenario 1: Developing a new hobby

Situation: You always wanted to learn salsa dancing.

Response A: The Victim (Drifting)

  • Thought: "I can't go alone. Everyone will have a partner. It will remind me I'm single."
  • Action: Stay home.

Response B: The Architect (Choosing Forward)

  • Thought: "It will be awkward. I might look stupid. But I will learn a skill and maybe meet people."
  • Action: Go. Dance with strangers. Laugh at yourself.
  • Result: You realize you can have fun without your ex. This shatters the dependency myth.

Scenario 2: The Friday Night Void

Situation: It's 6 PM on Friday. You have no plans.

Response A: The Victim

  • Action: Order takeout. Scroll Instagram. stalk Ex. Feel sad.

Response B: The Architect

  • Action: "I'm taking myself on a date." Put on nice clothes. Go to a bookstore. Buy a book. Go to a bar/cafe. Read.
  • Result: You enjoy your own company. You signal self-worth.

Scenario 3: Career Opportunity

Situation: Your boss suggests a project that requires travel.

Response A: The Victim

  • Thought: "I'm too emotionally unstable. I can't handle stress right now."

Response B: The Architect

  • Thought: "This is a perfect distraction. I can pour my energy into my career. I'm going to crush this."
  • Action: Take the project.
  • Result: Professional growth. Confidence boost. (And your ex sees you killing it).

Scenario 4: Running into Mutual Friends

Situation: They look at you with "pity eyes."

Response A: The Victim

  • Action: Look sad. Ask about the ex. "How are they?"

Response B: The Architect

  • Action: Smile. "I'm doing great! Just started this new hiking group. How are you guys?"
  • Result: You break the "sad victim" narrative. They report back to one another (and the ex): "Wow, they are actually doing really well."

The Pattern

  • Victims ask: "Why is this happening to me?"
  • Architects ask: "What can I build with this?"

Scenario 5: Social Media Scroll

Situation: You feel the urge to check their page.

Victim Response: You scroll, spiral, and lose an hour.
Architect Response: You delete the app for a day and do one forward action.

: Research TODO: Add citations on rumination reduction and behavior change.

Clinical & Research Foundations

This chapter integrates findings from peer-reviewed psychiatry, psychology, and relationship science, including attachment theory, trauma research, sexual health medicine, and evidence-based couples therapy.

Research & Clinical Sources

Key Sources

  • Gottman, J. M., & Levenson, R. W. (2000). The timing of divorce. Journal of Family Psychology, 14(1), 5–22. https://doi.org/10.1037/0893-3200.14.1.5
  • Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2007). Attachment in Adulthood. https://doi.org/10.1037/11435-000
  • Herman, J. L. (1992). Trauma and Recovery. Basic Books.
  • Ten Brinke, L., et al. (2016). Moral psychology of dishonesty. Psychological Science, 27(1), 2–14.
  • Christensen, A., et al. (2010). Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy. JCCP, 78(2), 193–204.