TruAlign

Exercises

Chapter 20: If You Want Them Back: The Hardest Truth

Reflection & Exercises

Exercise 1 — The "Worst Case" Exposure (Negative Visualization) (15 Minutes)

We often subconsciously believe that if we fully accept they are gone, we will die (or crumble). This exercise proves to your brain that you will survive. It is essentially exposure therapy for heartbreak.

  1. Set a timer for 5 minutes.
  2. Close your eyes.
  3. Visualize the scenario required to "lose" them forever. Imagine they meet someone else. Imagine them getting married to that person. Imagine 5 years passing. Imagine them being happy without you.
  4. Feel the sensation. It will hurt. Let it hurt. Notice where it hurts (chest, stomach).
  5. Now, visualize your response. In this scenario, what do you do? You cry. You grieve. And then... what? You wake up. You drink coffee. You go to work. You see friends. You laugh at a joke eventually. The sun still rises.
  6. The realization. You are still there. Maimed, maybe, but alive. The world did not end.

Why do this? Because once you face the monster, it stops controlling you from the shadows. If you know you can survive the worst case, you stop moving from fear.

Exercise 2 — The "Life Without Them" Design (20 Minutes)

You need a vision of a future that is exciting and does not include them. This is your lifeboat.

Prompt: Write a description of your life 2 years from now, assuming you never speak to them again.

  • Where do you live?
  • What are you passionate about?
  • Who are your friends?
  • How do you spend your Saturday mornings?
  • How do you feel in your body?

Constraint: You cannot mention a new partner. This must be a life that is fulfilling on its own terms.

Write at least 200 words.

Exercise 3 — The "Need vs. Want" Filter (Daily Check)

Before you take any action regarding them (texting, posting, checking socials), run it through this filter.

Question 1: am I doing this to relieve my anxiety? (Yes/No) Question 2: Am I doing this to manipulate their perception of me? (Yes/No) Question 3: Would I do this if I was completely secure and happy? (Yes/No)

  • If Yes to 1 or 2: STOP. Do not take the action. Go self-soothe (run, journal, call a friend).
  • If Yes to 3: Proceed. This is coming from a clean place.

Exercise 4 — Reframing the Narrative (10 Minutes)

We tell ourselves stories that keep us stuck in scarcity. Rewrite them.

  • Old Story: "They were The One. I will never find anyone like them."

  • New Truth: "They were a great chapter. But 'The One' is someone who chooses me and wants to build with me. They aren't doing that right now."

  • Old Story: "I ruined it. Dealing with this pain is my punishment."

  • New Truth: "I made mistakes. I am learning from them. Pain is a teacher, not a sentence. I deserve to heal."

  • Old Story: "If I let go, they will forget me."

  • New Truth: "If I let go, I give them space to miss me. And I give myself space to live."

Exercise 5 — The "Walk Away" Boundary List (10 Minutes)

Define your bottom line. What behavior will you absolutely not accept if they try to come back?

I will not accept:

  1. Breadcrumbing (texts with no plans).
  2. Being hidden (secret relationship).

If any of this happens, my prepared response is: "I care about you, but I'm not interested in [behavior]. If you want [what you want], let me know. Otherwise, I'm going to take space."

Write this down. Memorize it. It is your shield.