TruAlign

Exercises

Chapter 7: Relief vs Growth

Reflection & Exercises

Exercise 1 — Relief vs Growth check-in (2 minutes)

Before any action, pause and ask:

  1. Is this relief or growth?—Will this make me feel better now, or will it create lasting change?
  2. What am I seeking?—Am I looking for temporary relief or permanent growth?
  3. What would growth look like?—If I chose growth instead of relief, what would that look like?
  4. Can I choose growth?—Even if it's harder, can I choose growth?

The relief vs growth check-in helps you recognize when you're seeking relief and choose growth instead.

Simple rule: If it makes you feel better now but doesn't address underlying patterns, it's relief. If it's harder but creates lasting change, it's growth.

Exercise 2 — The pattern inventory (5 minutes)

Examine your patterns to see what needs to change:

  1. What patterns keep showing up?—What keeps repeating in your relationships?
  2. What creates these patterns?—What underlying issues or needs create these patterns?
  3. What would it look like to change them?—How can you interrupt the pattern and choose differently?
  4. What support do I need?—Who can help you see the pattern and choose differently?

The pattern inventory helps you see what needs to change so you can work on growth instead of just seeking relief.

Exercise 3 — The responsibility practice (10 minutes)

Take responsibility for your part without blaming yourself:

  1. What is my part?—What did I contribute to this situation? What can I take responsibility for?
  2. What is not my part?—What is their part? What is not my responsibility?
  3. What can I change?—What can I control? What can I change?
  4. What would growth look like?—How can I take responsibility and create change?

The responsibility practice helps you take ownership of what you can control without blaming yourself or them.

Exercise 4 — The emotional regulation practice

Practice regulating your emotions instead of reacting to them:

  1. Notice your emotions—What are you feeling? Name it
  2. Pause before reacting—Don't react immediately. Give yourself space
  3. Regulate—Use breathing, grounding, or movement to regulate your nervous system
  4. Choose your response—Once you're regulated, choose how you want to respond

The emotional regulation practice helps you respond from regulation instead of reacting from activation.

Exercise 5 — The growth choice

When the pattern shows up, practice choosing growth:

  1. Recognize the pattern—"This is the pattern. I see it."
  2. Pause—Don't react automatically. Give yourself space
  3. Ask: "What would growth look like?"—What would a growth-oriented choice look like?
  4. Make the growth choice—Even if it's harder, choose growth

The growth choice helps you interrupt the pattern and choose differently, even when relief feels easier.

Optional: communication boundary scripts

If you need to set boundaries while choosing growth, have these scripts ready:

  • "I'm working on some things on my own right now. I'll reach out when I'm ready."
  • "I appreciate you, but I need to focus on my own growth. I'll let you know when I'm ready to talk."
  • "I'm choosing to work on myself instead of trying to change things between us."

Practice saying these out loud. Use them to protect your growth process.

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