TruAlign

Exercises

Chapter 6: Modern Relationships Move Faster Than Capacity

Reflection & Exercises

Exercise 1 — Pace check-in (2 minutes)

Before making any major commitment or decision, pause and check the pace:

  1. How long have we known each other? (Be honest about the timeline)
  2. Have we seen each other under stress? (In conflict? In everyday life?)
  3. Have we had difficult conversations? (Values, boundaries, goals, deal-breakers?)
  4. Is this moving faster than my capacity? (Can I process and attach at this pace?)

The pace check-in helps you recognize when things are moving too fast and when you need to slow down.

Simple rule: If you haven't seen them under stress or had difficult conversations, it's probably too fast.

Exercise 2 — The space boundary (5 minutes)

Create boundaries around communication and time:

  1. Set communication limits—You don't need to respond immediately. Set times when you're available
  2. Create space between dates—Take time between dates to process and reflect
  3. Build in time alone—Have time for yourself, your friends, your interests
  4. Practice saying no—You can say no to moving faster than you're comfortable with

The space boundary helps you move at a pace that allows for real connection instead of just intensity.

Exercise 3 — The difficult conversation list (10 minutes)

Make a list of difficult conversations you need to have:

  1. Values—What do you value? What do they value? Are they aligned?
  2. Boundaries—What are your boundaries? What are theirs? Are they respected?
  3. Goals—What are your long-term goals? What are theirs? Are they compatible?
  4. Deal-breakers—What are your deal-breakers? Have you discussed them?

The difficult conversation list helps you have hard conversations early, before you're deeply attached.

Exercise 4 — The red flag inventory

Make a list of red flags you've noticed:

  1. What red flags have you seen? (Be honest, even if it feels uncomfortable)
  2. Have you addressed them? (Or have you ignored them because everything feels good?)
  3. What would it look like to address them? (How can you bring them up?)
  4. What boundaries do you need? (What do you need to feel safe?)

The red flag inventory helps you notice and address warning signs, even when everything feels good.

Exercise 5 — The capacity check

Check in with your capacity to attach and build safety:

  1. What is my capacity right now? (How much can I handle? How fast can I attach?)
  2. Is this relationship moving faster than my capacity? (Can I process and attach at this pace?)
  3. What boundaries do I need? (What do I need to respect my capacity?)
  4. How can I communicate my needs? (How can I express my need to slow down?)

The capacity check helps you respect your limits and move at a pace that works for you.

Optional: communication boundary scripts

If you need to slow down or set boundaries, have these scripts ready:

  • "I'm enjoying getting to know you, but I need to move at a pace that feels comfortable for me."
  • "I'd like to take some time between dates to process. Can we schedule our next date for next week?"
  • "I appreciate you, but I need some space to think. Can we talk tomorrow?"

Practice saying these out loud. Use them to set boundaries and respect your capacity.

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