TruAlign

Examples

Chapter 28: What This Teaches You (If You Let It)

Scenarios & Examples

Scenario 1: Developing a Crush on a "Bad Boy/Girl"

The Lesson: You learned from the breakup that excitement often equals instability.

Old Pattern (Repeating):

  • Thought: "This new person is so intense and mysterious! I feel sparks!"
  • Action: Dive in headfirst.

New Pattern (Integrating):

  • Thought: "Whoa. That 'spark' feels exactly like the anxiety I felt with my ex. This isn't chemistry; it's trauma recognition."
  • Action: Step back. Look for consistency instead of intensity.

Scenario 2: Feeling Neglected

The Lesson: You learned you have a voice.

Old Pattern:

  • Action: withdraw and pout, hoping they notice. (Passive Aggressive).

New Pattern:

  • Action: "Hey, I'm feeling a bit unappreciated today. Can we spend some quality time tonight?" (Direct Communication).

Scenario 3: The "Cool Girl/Guy" Trap

The Lesson: You learned that pretending to have no needs leads to resentment.

Old Pattern:

  • Action: Pretend you are fine with casual dating when you want marriage.

New Pattern:

  • Action: "I'm looking for serious partnership. If you aren't, that's cool, but I'm going to pass." (Honoring Standards).

Scenario 4: Post-Breakup loneliness

The Lesson: You learned that loneliness drove you to bad decisions.

Old Pattern:

  • Action: Text the ex at 11 PM.

New Pattern:

  • Action: Read the "Tuition Bill" (Exercise 2). Remind yourself why that door is closed. Call a friend.

The Pattern

  • Unlearned Lesson: History repeats itself (louder).
  • Learned Lesson: History informs the future (quieter).

Scenario 5: Boundary Test

Situation: A new partner pushes a boundary early.

Old Pattern: You stay quiet to avoid conflict.
New Pattern: You name the boundary and observe their response.

: Research TODO: Add citations on boundary setting and relational outcomes.

Clinical & Research Foundations

This chapter integrates findings from peer-reviewed psychiatry, psychology, and relationship science, including attachment theory, trauma research, sexual health medicine, and evidence-based couples therapy.

Research & Clinical Sources

Key Sources

  • Gottman, J. M., & Levenson, R. W. (2000). The timing of divorce. Journal of Family Psychology, 14(1), 5–22. https://doi.org/10.1037/0893-3200.14.1.5
  • Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2007). Attachment in Adulthood. https://doi.org/10.1037/11435-000
  • Herman, J. L. (1992). Trauma and Recovery. Basic Books.
  • Ten Brinke, L., et al. (2016). Moral psychology of dishonesty. Psychological Science, 27(1), 2–14.
  • Christensen, A., et al. (2010). Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy. JCCP, 78(2), 193–204.