Reflection & Exercises

Exercise 1 — The "Maybe" Box (Containment) (10 Minutes)

You cannot kill the hope, so contain it.

1. Get a mental (or physical) box. Label it "Maybe."
2. Put the "Reunion Fantasy" inside. The thoughts of your wedding, the kids, the apology.
3. The Deal: Tell yourself, "I am allowed to open this box for 10 minutes a day. But the rest of the day, I have to live in reality."
4. When hope intrudes: Say, "Not now. That goes in the Maybe Box. I'll look at it at 8 PM."

Why? It stops the hope from hijacking your workday.

Exercise 2 — The "Act As If" Experiment (24 Hours)

Instructions: For the next 24 hours, live exactly as you would if you knew for a fact they were never coming back.

• How would you dress?
• What would you eat?
• What plans would you make?
• Who would you text?

Do it. Just for one day. Observe: Did you feel lighter? Or heavier? Usually, people feel a strange sense of freedom. That freedom is the goal.

Exercise 3 — The Track B Investment (15 Minutes)

We ignore our own life (Track B) while watching theirs (Track A). Re-invest.

List 3 goals you had before the relationship (or totally new ones):

Action: Pick one. Do one small thing toward it today. (e.g., Book the class, buy the domain name). This signals to your brain that You exist outside of "Us."

Exercise 4 — The Worst Case Acceptance (5 Minutes)

1. What is the worst case scenario? (Usually: "They marry someone else.")
2. Say it out loud: "Even if they marry someone else, I will eventually be okay."
3. Feel the resistance. Say it again.
4. "I am resilient. I have survived everything up to this point."

Exercise 5 — The Permission Slip

Write this down: "I give myself permission to have a good day today. My happiness does not depend on their presence."

Put it on your mirror.

Exercise 6 — The 2-Week Momentum Log

For 14 days, log one forward action per day:

• a walk
• a call
• a task
• a class

Momentum lowers desperation.

Exercise 7 — The Hope Boundary Script

Write:
“I can hope privately, but I will not delay my life.”
Say it aloud once a day for a week.

: Research TODO: Add citations on behavioral activation and grief recovery.

Clinical & Research Foundations

This chapter integrates findings from peer-reviewed psychiatry, psychology, and relationship science, including attachment theory, trauma research, sexual health medicine, and evidence-based couples therapy.