Reflection & Exercises

Exercise 1 — The Physical Relocation (The Box Ritual) (30 Minutes)

If they are everywhere in your house, they are everywhere in your head.

1. Get a nice box. (Not a trash bag. A respectful box).
2. Gather the artifacts. The photos, the cards, the ticket stubs, the sweater.
3. Put them in the box. As you put each item in, say: "Thank you for this memory. I am keeping the memory, but I am moving the object."
4. Seal the box.
5. Put it away. High shelf, closet, garage. somewhere you don't look every day.

Why? You are honoring the love (keeping it) but asserting your boundaries (clearing the space).

Exercise 2 — The "What I Keep" List (10 Minutes)

Fear of forgetting drives obsession. Write down what you are keeping so your brain can relax.

I am keeping:

1. (e.g., The appreciation for sushi they taught me.)
2. (e.g., The memory of our trip to Japan.)
3. (e.g., The confidence they gave me in my career.)

Write it down. Tell your brain: "See? It's safe. We aren't losing this. It's on paper."

Exercise 3 — The Distinction Dialogue (5 Minutes)

When you feel the urge to call them because you "love" them.

Say this out loud: "I love them. And I am leaving them." "I miss them. And I am moving on." "They were important. And they are gone."

Replace "But" with "And." "But" creates conflict. "And" creates integration.

Exercise 4 — The Future Self visualization (5 Minutes)

1. Close your eyes.
2. Imagine yourself at 80 years old, sitting on a porch.
3. Look back at this relationship.
4. Does 80-year-old you hate them? Or do you just smile and think, "Ah, that was a sweet, hard chapter"?
5. Borrow that perspective. Be the 80-year-old today.

Exercise 5 — The Contract Breaker (For the Bargainers)

If you are still bargaining ("Maybe if I wait..."):

Write: "By waiting for them, I am missing the person who is actually looking for me right now."

Read it until it sinks in.

Exercise 6 — The Memory Reframe

Write one painful memory and answer:

• What did this teach me about my needs?
• What boundary would protect me next time?

Exercise 7 — The “And” Practice (Daily)

Each day write one sentence with “and”: “I miss them, and I’m moving forward.”

: Research TODO: Add citations for grief integration and narrative reframing.

Clinical & Research Foundations

This chapter integrates findings from peer-reviewed psychiatry, psychology, and relationship science, including attachment theory, trauma research, sexual health medicine, and evidence-based couples therapy.