TruAlign

Examples

Chapter 24: Letting Go Without Erasing Love

Scenarios & Examples

Scenario 1: Someone asks "Why did you break up?"

Response A: The Erasure/Bitter (Stuck)

  • "Oh, he was a total narcissist. Waste of two years. I don't want to talk about it."
  • Signal: You are still angry. You are rejecting the experience.

Response B: The Integrated (Healed)

  • "We loved each other a lot, but we wanted different things long-term. It was hard, but it was the right call."
  • Signal: You accept the love AND the loss. You are safe to date again.

Scenario 2: You hear "Our Song" in the supermarket

Response A: The Crumble

  • Action: You freeze. You cry in the aisle. You abandon your cart.
  • Meaning: The past is still controlling the present.

Response B: The Nod

  • Action: You stop. You feel the pang of sadness. You take a deep breath. You think, "That was a good time." You keep shopping.
  • Meaning: You have visited the Museum, but you are still living in the world.

Scenario 3: Dating someone new who asks about your ex

Response A: The Overshare

  • "I still love them honestly. It's really hard."
  • Result: You scare the new person away. (You are emotionally unavailable).

Response B: The Denial

  • "Oh, I don't care. It meant nothing."
  • Result: You seem cold or untruthful.

Response C: The Integrated

  • "They were a big part of my life. I learned a lot from that relationship. But I'm fully ready to find something that fits who I am now."
  • Result: Mature, honest, available.

Scenario 4: The Anniversary

Situation: It would have been your 3-year anniversary today.

Response A: The Ignore/Binge

  • You try to ignore it, then get drunk and text them.

Response B: The Ritual

  • You acknowledge it. "Today would have been 3 years. That makes me sad." You light a candle, journal for 10 minutes, then go to the gym. You honor the day without resurrecting the dead.

The Pattern

  • Stuck: Deny the feeling OR drown in the feeling.
  • Healed: Acknowledge the feeling, honor the memory, continue the day.

Scenario 5: The Photo Archive

Situation: You scroll old photos and feel a surge of grief.

Stuck Response: You spiral and spend hours reliving the past.
Healed Response: You save one meaningful photo to the “museum” and close the album.

: Research TODO: Add citations on grief rituals and memory consolidation.

Clinical & Research Foundations

This chapter integrates findings from peer-reviewed psychiatry, psychology, and relationship science, including attachment theory, trauma research, sexual health medicine, and evidence-based couples therapy.

Research & Clinical Sources

Key Sources

  • Gottman, J. M., & Levenson, R. W. (2000). The timing of divorce. Journal of Family Psychology, 14(1), 5–22. https://doi.org/10.1037/0893-3200.14.1.5
  • Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2007). Attachment in Adulthood. https://doi.org/10.1037/11435-000
  • Herman, J. L. (1992). Trauma and Recovery. Basic Books.
  • Ten Brinke, L., et al. (2016). Moral psychology of dishonesty. Psychological Science, 27(1), 2–14.
  • Christensen, A., et al. (2010). Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy. JCCP, 78(2), 193–204.