TruAlign

Examples

Chapter 19: Rebuilding Attraction With Dignity

Scenarios & Examples

Scenario 1: The Breadcrumb Text

The Situation: It has been 3 weeks of silence. Suddenly, on a Tuesday night, they text: "Saw this and thought of you" with a link to a funny video.

Response A: The Chaser (Low Dignity)

  • Action: Replies immediately: "Haha that is so funny! Reminds me of that time we went to the beach. How have you been? I was just thinking about you too."
  • The Subtext: "I am sitting here waiting for you. Please talk to me. I will take any scrap of attention you give me and try to build a conversation out of it."
  • The Result: The ex feels validated ("They are still there") but overwhelmed. They likely don't reply, or reply with short answers. Attraction drops.

Response B: The High Value Partner (High Dignity)

  • Action: Replies 3 hours later (or the next morning): "Haha classic. Hope you're doing well."
  • The Subtext: "I appreciate the humor, but I'm busy living my life. I'm friendly, but I'm not desperate."
  • The Result: The ex feels a mix of relief (no pressure) and curiosity ("Why didn't they ask more? What are they doing?"). The tennis ball is back in their court. They have to work if they want more interaction.

Scenario 2: The "Just Friends" Trap

The Situation: They broke up with you but say, "I really want to keep you in my life. Can we still hang out as friends?"

Response A: The Chaser (Low Dignity)

  • Action: "Yes, of course! I'll take whatever I can get." You start hanging out, listening to their problems, maybe even sleeping together, hoping they will "realize" they love you.
  • The Subtext: "I have no boundaries. You can demote me and I will still serve you. I am cheap."
  • The Result: They get all the benefits of the relationship without the commitment. They lose respect for you because you don't respect yourself. They eventually start dating someone else while "friends" with you.

Response B: The High Value Partner (High Dignity)

  • Action: "I value what we had too much to pretend to be 'just friends' right now. I'm not interested in a platonic friendship. If you ever change your mind and want to try for a real relationship, let me know. Until then, I need space to move on."
  • The Subtext: "I have standards. It's all or nothing. I am willing to walk away if the terms don't meet my value."
  • The Result: This is terrifying to say, but extremely attractive. It forces them to feel the loss. They realize they can't have their cake and eat it too. They might drift away, or they might realize they made a mistake—but you leave with your self-respect intact.

Scenario 3: Social Media "Orbiting"

The Situation: You are doing No Contact. You post a photo of you hiking. They view the story immediately but don't like it. Then they post a sad song lyric on their story.

Response A: The Chaser (Low Dignity)

  • Action: You analyze the song lyrics. You post another story to "respond" to theirs. You maybe even reply to their story: "Is everything okay?"
  • The Subtext: "My emotional state is dependent on your social media activity. We are still in a covert relationship."
  • The Result: You feed the toxic loop. They know they can control your mood with a single post.

Response B: The High Value Partner (High Dignity)

  • Action: You do... nothing. You don't look at their story (or if you do, you don't react). You put your phone down and finish your hike.
  • The Subtext: "I am not playing games. I am living my reality, not a virtual drama."
  • The Result: Your lack of reaction is powerful. It breaks the pattern. They realize their passive-aggressive signals aren't working, which forces them to either communicate directly or deal with their feelings alone.

Scenario 4: The Chance Encounter

The Situation: You run into them at a coffee shop or party.

Response A: The Chaser (Low Dignity)

  • Action: You get flustered. You either try to hide, or you corner them and talk for 20 minutes, bringing up the relationship, crying, or asking "why?".
  • The Subtext: "I am still broken. I am unstable."
  • The Result: They feel pity and guilt (which kill attraction) and relief that they escaped.

Response B: The High Value Partner (High Dignity)

  • Action: You smile warmly. "Hey! Good to see you." You chat for 2 minutes about surface things (work, the coffee). Then YOU end the conversation. "Great seeing you, I gotta run/get back to my friends. Take care!"
  • The Subtext: "I am happy, stable, and moving forward. You are a pleasant part of my past, not the center of my present."
  • The Result: This shatters their expectation of a "broken ex." You look attractive, confident, and in control. They walk away impressed and wondering about you.

Scenario 5: The Late-Night Booty Call

The Situation: They broke up with you, but they text at 11 PM: "I'm lonely. Can I come over?"

Response A: The Chaser (Low Dignity)

  • Action: You let them in. You sleep with them. You think this intimacy will bring them back.
  • The Subtext: "I have no self-respect. You can use me for comfort whenever you want."
  • The Result: Next morning, they feel guilty and pull away even harder ("post-nut clarity"). You feel used and reset your healing.

Response B: The High Value Partner (High Dignity)

  • Action: "I care about you, but I'm not doing the late-night thing. We aren't together anymore."
  • The Subtext: "My body and intimacy are for people who commit to me. You lost that privilege."
  • The Result: They feel the boundary. It stings, but it commands respect. They realize you are a prize that requires payment (commitment), not a free sample.

The Pattern

Notice the trend across all scenarios:

  • Chasing = Seeking validation, fluid boundaries, available on demand. Result: Low attraction.
  • Dignity = Self-validating, firm boundaries, scarce availability. Result: High attraction (or at least, high respect).